Trusting yourself is the key to living well and being capable of trusting others. You learn to trust yourself to leave any abusive relationship by listening and following through on your inner wisdom. This is the start of practicing self-care and self-respect by doing what is true and right and what is best for you. Falling for partners who deceived, abused, manipulated, and otherwise exploited you is not trusting your instincts. Chances are there was a small voice that said, “Something doesn’t feel right” or maybe you didn’t feel uncomfortable and are shocked about your choice. How could someone who felt so right be a total mistake? Belief in yourself may be shaken. There are times when we are challenged with change in relationships and fear we can’t take care of ourselves. Listening to self-talk that says I don’t deserve to love or be loved keeps you stuck. Believing you deserve a manageable relationship and acting on your intuition ends the abuse.
We may have a partner that tells us we cannot believe in ourselves; we are off base and nuts. They benefit from mistrust because it keeps the cycle of abuse going. Fear, panic, and doubt are an enemy to leaving an abusive situation and feelings you do not want to entertain. You can stand in your truth and trust your own gut. Accepting your mistakes when you thought you were making a good decision and trusting yourself anyway is important. The rigid rules and demands for perfect decision-making are self-punishing. You have the power to make healthy choices. Are you wondering how you can count on your relationship choices when things went so wrong? Each person that comes into your life has unique lessons to teach you. You have no control over anyone’s actions or emotions. Protect yourself by listening to your heart and no longer placing faith in partners that are destructive. As you attract healthy partners with your intimate self, you will trust your thoughts and your own emotions. Letting your past interfere with self-trust keeps you trapped in fear and abuse. You can learn, grow, and improve from your mistakes. You can make better choices and leave situations with abusive partners. By accepting your mistakes and being grateful for the lessons, you don’t have to repeat them. You can make decisions based on what you know now. Trust your decision to leave and do the best you can. From your past unwise relationship decisions you experience growth. Feel good about your decision to change and about your mistakes. Acknowledge your newly acquired awareness and treat yourself kindly when you wonder how you could have been so naïve or blind. Realize that you were not as aware then as you are now. Accept your inner knowing and listen attentively. Know you will survive the abuse, learn from the experience and have deeper self-knowledge. Begin once more; it is never too late to begin again. The way to heal a broken heart is to keep on loving.
Thank you for reading this post. I’ve dedicated my personal and professional life to the importance of non-violence and self-compassion by teaching from my experience. As a result, I’ve learned a lot about what it takes to create healthy relationships. And, as I learn and grow, I teach self-compassion and give advice I use myself, in the hopes that it helps you to improve your own life.
I heard that small voice and ignored it. Now I’m leaving a 10yr relationship and have three kids to care for on my own. Love my kids and sorry they have to deal with my mistakes,
Mistakes are part of living and being a parent. I have looked at your website and believe you are working to change your relationship boundaries and contribute to others in pain. Your willingness to address your emotional challenges is a gift to your children. Completing your emotional work will empower your children to deal with life’s realities and hardships with more resiliency. I am wishing you the best.
“Chances are there was a small voice that said, “Something doesn’t feel right…”. Well said. When I learned to follow my intuition and pay attention to my inner voice I was able to make healthier choices. It’s good to make mistakes so we can learn. We all do, but to constantly repeat the same mistake is a waste of the short time we have in life.
There were so many repeat abuse victims at my previous job. I wanted to grab each of them and say “Trust yourself, you can be strong on your own.”
I think making mistakes is part of being a vulnerable human. Everyone has their own lessons to learn. Fear, anger, and confusion often render abuse victims powerless. I’ve seen many victims empowered by the support of a loving community. I believe we are both part of that community. Thanks for your comments.
Thanks. We are definitely part of a loving community.